Linguists—those who study the structure and development of language—say that the phrase “cat got your tongue” came into use after sailors who were flogged with a cat o’ nine tails would be rendered speechless in the wake of their punishment. The “cat” got their tongue.

“Bury the hatchet”—meaning to end a quarrel or conflict and become friendly—originated because, during negotiations between Puritans and Native Americans, men would put away their weapons, making them inaccessible. In some instances, weapons would literally be buried—hence, “bury the hatchet.”

In the late nineteenth century, people would stuff woolen socks into the horns of their gramophones, which at that time did not have built-in volume control. That is why we have the phrase “Put a sock in it.”

It has been suggested that the phrase “Fight like cats and dogs” was first used after a board meeting at a Seventh-day Adventist church. With church members unable to get beyond their disagreements, the board meeting in question descended into chaos. When this pattern repeated with numerous arguments in church foyers, at conference executive sessions, and in church parking lots, the phrase “fight like cats and dogs” became a well-established part of the English language.

While that may not be an entirely accurate recitation of history (or is it?), disagreements are a fact of life. And that’s not all bad. Nowhere does the Bible say that all believers in Jesus must view every last issue in precisely the same way. But in an age of rage, it is imperative that God’s people discover how they may disagree while maintaining the Christian demeanor which is to characterize the church. It must be possible for people to see things differently and still be followers of Jesus. The church that is unable to achieve that balance will quickly become spiritually impotent. Ministry will be suffocated, and the mission of the church will be impeded.

Unity in the Church

Unity in the church is not optional. Paul wrote, “Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment” (1 Cor 1:10).¹ Notice that Paul “pleaded” with the church in Corinth to seek unity.

It is my studied belief that, generally speaking, Seventh-day Adventists do not disagree well. This may be because Adventists place a premium on truth, understanding that error is never harmless, and that the great apostasy in the world today is based on spiritual deception. We want to be right, because to be “wrong” clearly has serious consequences (read Revelation 13–14 if you’re in any doubt). But what appears to be less appreciated is that a person can be “right” theologically while being wrong spiritually. The gospel is given by God that we may become more like Jesus. That important detail is overlooked by people who, well, fight like cats and dogs. Ellen G. White wrote, “If pride and selfishness were laid aside, five minutes would remove most difficulties.”² That “if” has proven to be the undoing of many a professed believer in Jesus.

And in an age when people are radicalized by a news media that is partisan, angry, and disrespectful, it is perhaps no surprise that church members often reflect the rancor and animosity they both focus and feed on. When White wrote, “Daily the church is being converted to the world,”³ she was contemplating not only doctrine, but also attitudes. The harsh demeanor favored by the news media impacts the hearts and minds of God’s people. There are reasons we have been instructed to be separate from the world (see 2 Cor 6:17).

Issues That Divide Us

Consider various issues that have caused divisions in Adventism in the last few years and you will recall that the subject of women’s ordination split congregations, separated friends, and, for a time, sucked almost all of the proverbial oxygen out of the Adventist room. People were pitted against each other, while vast amounts of time, energy, and resources were consumed and diverted from the core mission of the church.

Some will claim that women’s ordination was (or is) a very important issue and needed to be discussed. Whether that is so or not is not the point I’m addressing. It could be said, the more important the issue, the greater the need for unity. In this case, an issue that has for some years been under discussion became a lightning rod, a cause célèbre, and in numerous circles, a test of orthodoxy. Again and again it was not discussed kindly. The key for Christians is figuring out how to navigate topics without allowing them to become wedge issues, or a drag on the forward momentum of the church. In a church that values truth and doctrinal purity, a church that believes it was brought into existence to share a vital message with the entire world, certain deviations, distractions, and disagreements can be viewed as being of the utmost importance. They are not. Of utmost importance is the proclamation of the gospel, and reflecting the character of Jesus.

The drinking of alcohol, LGBTQ, the validity of 1844, the nature of inspiration, and the role of the Spirit of Prophecy are all legitimately consequential subjects. But there can be a very short distance from “defending the truth” and “standing up for what’s right” to simply fighting like cats and dogs.

Remembering Jesus’ Words

Before we open our mouths in discussion or debate about any issue, we must remember that Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35). Four chapters later, Jesus prayed to His Father “that they may be one, as We are” (John 17:11). This is not the biblical equivalent of flyover country. These statements are as important as any Jesus made.

He went on to petition heaven “that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me” (John 17:21). Jesus then repeated that same thought twice in the next two verses. Clearly, this mattered—matters—to Him. “He prays that His disciples may be one, even as He and the Father are one; and this unity of believers is to be a testimony to the world that He has sent us, and that we bear the evidence of His grace.”⁴ Don’t miss that. Unity among believers testifies to the world that we have been sent by God. How do you think we’re doing with that? Christians must learn how to disagree, must learn to see an issue from differing perspectives, while still manifesting the character of Jesus.

The blueprint for resolving interpersonal differences in a church context is found in Matthew 18.

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. (Matt 18:15–17)

The entire process as outlined by Jesus is redemptive. Issues between believers are to be resolved personally. If the attempt at reconciliation is not successful, outside counsel is solicited. If the situation is still at an impasse, and if the issue at hand rises to such a level, the church is to be involved. Then, if there is no satisfactory resolution, the person is to be treated like an unbeliever. This does not mean that the person should be shunned. Rather, the offending party should be related to with great grace, with a sincere concern for that person’s salvation.

And such matters should be kept confidential. Solomon wrote, “The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor” (Prov 11:9). Even if the other person is wrong—perhaps, especially if the other person is wrong—every attempt should be made to protect that person’s dignity. Bitterness and malice should have no place in interpersonal disagreements. If someone has offended you, the world does not need to know. Granted, it can be challenging to be gracious when you are convinced the person you are dealing with is wrong. That is where seeing the big picture is helpful.

Things to Remember When Disagreeing with Each Other

The Bible tells us that all things work together for good (Rom 8:28), and that the battle—any battle—is not ours, but God’s (2 Chr 20:15). Beyond disagreements, disputes, and annoyances, followers of Jesus remember that He will soon return, that sin and sinners will be no more, and God’s eternal kingdom will be established and will never pass away. That is what is most important. When confronted by theological opposition, or when opposed in a church board meeting, you may imagine you have lost a battle. However, God does not call us to win battles against other people, or to prove how right we are in every circumstance. As two poets from Dartford, England, wrote in the late 1960s, “You can’t always get what you want.”⁵ Remembering that, and choosing not to keep a record of wins and losses, will deflate many a tense situation.

How does one relate to a person who views Sabbath-keeping in a different light? What is a person to do about a church board that makes poor decisions? How are church members to relate to conference leadership after apparently objectionable positions are taken? How should Christians address the division or the General Conference when it seems they are on the wrong side of an issue?

The simple answer is: with grace. In every instance, such issues are God’s responsibility. And every saint of God must be open to the possibility that they might not be on the right side of the issue themselves. Regardless of the question under discussion, there is no possible way any person has all of the information regarding what has taken place. If you weren’t in the meeting, or part of the discussion, it simply isn’t possible that you can see a matter as God sees it. “But this person said . . .” means you have one side of the story. “But then I heard the church leader say . . .” You may have done so, but what else did the church leader say, and in what context? A friend of mine once told me there are at least three sides to every story: “my side, your side, and the truth.” Because no person is capable of fully understanding a situation, it is imperative that a follower of Christ is exceedingly careful about what is said, and, more importantly, how it is said.

There are numerous reasons for concerned, conscientious church members to struggle with issues within the church. White once wrote that the church “may appear as about to fall.”⁶ Presently, we see factions and splinter groups creating real confusion within the body of Christ. White went on to say, “The church may appear as about to fall, but it does not fall. It remains, while the sinners in Zion will be sifted out—the chaff separated from the precious wheat.” Then she added, “This is a terrible ordeal, but nevertheless it must take place.”⁷ Those who walk out of the doors of the church, drinking from broken cisterns as they follow this or that clique, are walking away from the remnant. We hope and pray for their return, but, for many, withdrawal from the church is permanent. And that is a tragedy.

Reasons Why People Disagree

Part of the reason for fighting among church members is, simply, a critical spirit. Converted people don’t fight. Converted people don’t go on the warpath, spread gossip, publicize the church’s problems, or choose to embarrass people. A genuine experience with Jesus would lower the temperature of many a discussion or disagreement.

During His ministry, Jesus was followed constantly by those trying to find fault with Him and destroy His ministry. On a visit to His hometown, people among whom Jesus grew up attempted to throw Him from a cliff and end His life. The One who created the world was betrayed, unfairly charged, handed over as a criminal to actual criminals, tortured, abused, insulted, humiliated, and yet never once defended Himself on the internet. If Jesus can act like that, surely His followers can also.

White in The Desire of Ages states,

Jesus did not contend for His rights. Often His work was made unnecessarily severe because He was willing and uncomplaining. Yet He did not fail nor become discouraged. He lived above these difficulties, as if in the light of God’s countenance. He did not retaliate when roughly used, but bore insult patiently.⁸

Let that sink in.

Children are taught that some behavior simply isn’t appropriate. We don’t raise our voices. We don’t criticize. We don’t embarrass others. We don’t try to expose and shame people. Some types of behavior are just wrong, and it betrays the Bible when a church member claims to have light and truth and yet acts like a devil.

How to Deal with Private Information

The church has been significantly impacted by the radical shift in attitudes prompted by the rise of the internet. Before the worldwide web, one person might talk with another in the parking lot of the church about how the music at camp meeting has changed over the years. But now, points that lived and died in a conversation are made virtually immortal by that same person posting a video online, complete with a sensational thumbnail and outlandish claims. And because social media can act like a drug, the thrill of knowing your post has been viewed by five hundred people, then five thousand, and then ten thousand only adds fuel to the egotistical fire. Heroes of hate can be created overnight. The internet acts like an echo chamber, giving people the opportunity to gain sympathy and sympathizers from every corner of the planet. Those who use the internet to criticize and belittle the church are neither your friends nor Jesus’ friends. They are damaging the church, which is the apple of His eye. “Enfeebled and defective as it may appear, the church is the one object upon which God bestows in a special sense His supreme regard. It is the theater of His grace, in which He delights to reveal His power to transform hearts."⁹

White also states, “The church is God’s fortress. His city of refuge, which He holds in a revolted world. Any betrayal of the church is treachery to Him who has bought mankind with the blood of His only-begotten Son.”¹⁰ Dissatisfaction with fellow church members, or disputes on matters of lifestyle, doctrine, or church governance, should never lead a person to cause disruption in the church. If God’s people could learn the art of selflessness, deference, and cooperation, the church would be in a healthier position.

However, if I discovered someone’s mother was a prostitute, I would not tell that person. I certainly would not tell the world. If, for some reason, I felt God was prompting me to break the bad news, I would be sure to tell the affected person only. I would do so delicately, and I would do so privately. I would not post the text of that awkward conversation where all could read it.

To be clear, I am not opposed to the sharing of a point of view, even if some deem it a contrary point of view. I am opposed to airing the church’s dirty linen publicly, because I believe the Bible is opposed to airing the church’s dirty linen publicly. I am opposed to harsh, public criticism. I am opposed to tearing down, when God has called every one of His children to be builders, not destroyers. I am opposed to portraying the church in the worst light before church members and non-church members. Those whose faith is on shaky ground often suffer irreversible harm from being exposed to unloving criticism. Thinking people are able to discern that if the church is terrible, they are better off not being a part of it.

And, yes, this is, by its very nature, a somewhat subjective discussion. Who is to say whether Subject A should be discussed openly? To paraphrase another contemporary poet, it’s important to “know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.”¹¹ As a general rule, if you’re in any doubt, don’t share it with others or post it online. The second aspect is the manner in which something is shared—the motivation for sharing. You say “up,” I say “down,” and we disagree. So far, so good. But when you say “up,” and then I tell the world that you are in apostasy, I am on very thin ice. Nothing can be gained by amplifying disagreements. Jesus never, ever did so. To answer the question directly, the Holy Spirit is the arbiter of what should be shared. Adventists proclaim the everlasting gospel, which states, in part, “Fear God and give glory to Him” (Rev 14:7). 1 Corinthians 10:31 applies to more than diet. “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” If it doesn’t give glory to God, the subject should never see the light of day.

Paul’s counsel to the church in Corinth was direct.

And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to receive it, and even now you are still not able; for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men? For when one says, “I am of Paul,” and another, “I am of Apollos,” are you not carnal? (1 Cor 3:1–4)

When we line up behind this figure or that figure, when we choose sides in a church spat, when we go to war rather than earnestly seeking the peace that comes from following the will of God, we are simply giving evidence that we are carnal, and that we are not being led by the Holy Spirit.

When the Church Makes Mistakes

The church will make mistakes. Leaders will make mistakes. A local congregation is a complex organism, let alone a conference of churches. The complexity of a world church is almost unfathomable. Few can appreciate the challenges faced by church leaders. It should be no surprise that no church leader ever batted a thousand in decisions made.

If the world sees a perfect harmony existing in the church of God, it will be a powerful evidence to them in favor of the Christian religion. Dissensions, unhappy differences, and petty church trials dishonor our Redeemer. All these may be avoided if self is surrendered to God and the followers of Jesus obey the voice of the church. Unbelief suggests that individual independence increases our importance, that it is weak to yield our own ideas of what is right and proper to the verdict of the church; but to yield to such feelings and views is unsafe and will bring us into anarchy and confusion. Christ saw that unity and Christian fellowship were necessary to the cause of God, therefore He enjoined it upon His disciples. And the history of Christianity from that time until now proves conclusively that in union only is there strength. Let individual judgment submit to the authority of the church.¹²

Satan sought to destroy the unity in the early church, knowing that if unity continued to exist, he would be powerless to check the progress of gospel truth. He tried to introduce elements of disunion into the church.¹³

The question of unity in the face of disagreement is a call to practice righteousness by faith. Jesus promised us that “in the world you shall have tribulation” (John 16:33). He said, “A man’s enemies will be those of his own household” (Matt 10:36), and that His people would “be hated by all for My name’s sake” (Luke 21:17). But He also said, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 5:10). Not persecuted when they are wrong and make a fool of themselves, but persecuted for living in right relation to God. Jesus gave no room for retaliation and discord.

Should Issues Be Swept under the Carpet?

Before anyone gets the impression that I am suggesting certain issues can be swept under the carpet, or that every issue can be resolved and Kumbaya can always be sung, the reality is, that is not reality.

When the late Australian theologian Dr. Desmond Ford chose to take aim at biblical positions held by the Seventh-day Adventist Church, he and his followers were on a collision course with the inevitable. Should people have agreed with Dr. Ford? Obviously, no. But should Ford have been treated with kindness? Yes, and he was. However, open opposition to the church and its teachings is not something that should be entertained. The damage done by Ford’s heresies was immense. While teachers of falsehood should be treated with kindness, their views should not be permitted to affect or infect the body of Christ. Those who do not agree with the core teachings of the church and do not want to coexist with the church without promoting their errant doctrinal positions would be better off associating with another body of believers.

When seventeen-year-old school student William Webb Ellis picked up and ran with the ball during a game of soccer in England in 1823, a new sport was born, named after the school where the incident allegedly occurred. Ellis did not force his new game on others. Instead, those who wanted to join him in playing rugby did so, while those who wished to continue playing soccer continued playing soccer. Those who are unhappy with the teachings of Adventism have a God-given right to be so inclined. However, those who are faithful to the biblical teachings of the Adventist Church are under no obligation to entertain schismatics.

The ability, or inability, to navigate differences with a Christian demeanor is a matter of eternal consequence. If Christian believers cannot maintain their Christian experience when they feel a church leader or fellow church member has let them down, there is little chance, excepting repentance and conversion, that they are going to be able to successfully navigate “a time of trouble such as never was” (Dan 12:1). Congregations that couldn’t handle COVID without baring their fangs should not think that the mark of the beast issue will be, for them, clear sailing.¹⁴ This is not to minimize the seriousness or difficulty of the issue being faced. But too many Christians appear to feel that being right allows them to act like devils. It does not. We would do well to keep in mind that one reason God allows challenging questions to confront the church is that we might see what truly dwells in the heart.

Disappointments and hurts are real. At times, pastors let down their congregations. That’s not good. The nominating committee might overlook you for a position you feel you should fulfill. That can be unpleasant. A faction in the church may wish to revamp the worship service in a way you are convinced is unpleasing to God or irrelevant to your community. There’s no denying that can be a real challenge. Feelings can fray under such circumstances. But grace is given so that Christians can rise above their challenges and reflect the character of Jesus always. “Walk in the Spirit,” Paul wrote, “and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Gal 5:16).

A friend of mine, called to pastor a large and somewhat influential church in a major city, had high hopes of leading the church to greater ministry effectiveness. However, it became evident after a time that his ministry wasn’t appreciated. When his employer explained that, in his opinion, the pastor and the church were not a good fit for each other, my friend realized the painful truth: he was being fired. No impropriety. No theological incompatibility. Certain influential church members simply didn’t like him. And, just like that, he was out of a job.

Nine months before he was due to retire, another pastor friend had his employment terminated. Again, there was no question of inappropriate behavior on the part of the pastor. His church members loved him and he was preaching from the Bible in harmony with church teachings. But finding himself on the wrong side of an apparently vindictive employer, the man was fired. Just like that.

Yet neither pastor fled to the internet to plead his case. Neither pastor created a video explaining his side of the story. Neither pastor emailed supportive church members to explain how leadership had got the issue badly wrong. They simply leaned on the Lord, followed His leading, and moved on. That is not to say it would be inappropriate for a pastor to appeal, to speak to church leaders, or to seek to right a wrong. To do so would not be wrong. There are processes for addressing wrongs—for good reason. However, chumming the church waters in an attempt to gain support or sympathy has never been Jesus’ way.

The only atheist among my group of close friends in high school would often regale us with stories of his mother’s frequent visits to fortune tellers. While preaching one Sabbath I met a man who, it turned out, was my friend’s uncle. “What are the chances,” I thought, “that my atheist high school friend would have Adventists in his family?” What I learned is that my friend’s parents had once been Seventh-day Adventists. In fact, his father had studied for the ministry, but had somehow fallen out with the church over an employment matter. He and his wife raised their four children entirely without reference to God. Once a worker in ministry, my friend’s mother died just weeks ago a committed spiritualist. Her son, my friend, is an atheist to this day. Whether my friend’s dad was right or wrong, or whether the church got it right or wrong, is not ultimately what matters. Any obstacle can be overcome by God’s grace. What matters is that anger and bitterness only lead in one direction.

Some Final Thoughts

Ellen G. White wrote,

All need to be baptized with the Holy Spirit; all should refrain from censuring and disparaging remarks, and draw near to Christ, that they may appreciate the heavy responsibilities which the co-workers with Him are carrying. “Press together; press together,” are the words of our divine Instructor. Unity is strength; disunion is weakness and defeat.¹⁵

But what about “standing up for the truth”? One should always stand for the truth. But a person who cannot stand up for the truth while reflecting the character of Jesus would be better off sitting down. It must be possible to disagree without being disagreeable. By all means, go to the microphone at the conference executive committee and have your say. Express your dissatisfaction with the status quo if you feel prompted by God to do so. Write a letter to the conference president if you must. Speak to the pastor in the foyer after church if that is your Spirit-led burden. Discuss touchy issues with fellow church members if God places it on your heart to do so. But do so in a way that leaves no one in any doubt about the genuineness of your Christianity, and that leaves people feeling richer for having encountered you.

As riots raged in Los Angeles in May of 1992, Rodney King, who in March of that year had been beaten by Los Angeles police officers, spoke at a press conference and asked a now-famous question: “Can we all get along?” It is a question worth reflecting on now. Can we all get along? Fortunately, it is not all bad news in the church. There are many happy Christians and many healthy churches. But in a church, it only takes a spark to get a fire going.¹⁶ And as the saying goes, we ain’t seen nothing yet. Trying times await Christian believers. “None but those who have fortified the mind with the truths of the Bible will stand through the last great conflict.”¹⁷ John asked a searching question when he wrote in Revelation 6:17, “Who is able to stand?”

The Christian who considers the cross of Jesus will learn to live in total reliance upon Him and will manifest His Spirit. At Calvary, Jesus died an ignominious death, that we might live a glorious life. Heaven gave all on the day when the sun refused to shine. The nails in Jesus’ hands and feet, the crown of thorns on His brow, the spear plunged into His side, and the pain and shame and rejection He endured all ask us to allow Jesus more fully into our lives. In the shadow of the cross, Jesus prayed the prayer that undergirds all prayers when He said, “Not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42).

Not my will but yours. Not I, but Christ. Death to sin and self will allow the Holy Spirit to have complete reign in the life of any believer. Those who wish to see Jesus return will first see Him on the cross, and with hearts melted by the immense love of God, will permit Him to live His life in them.

As they look to His return, rather than fight like cats and dogs, believers in Jesus may, instead, get on like a house on fire.

• John Bradshaw is the director of It Is Written and was a keynote speaker at the 62nd General Conference Session in St. Louis, MO, in July 2025. He gave this presentation at the ASI convention in Florida, on August 1, 2025. The oral character of the presentation is retained.